July 1: When do I tend to rush through life?
Knave of Discs (Page of Pentacles)
Connection to nature
Lack of experience
Learning on the job
Gaining new skills
It is absolutely, uncannilly, one hundred percent true that I rush through beginnings, whether it be at work, at play, or in love. This card speaks to those times that I’ve been thrown in at the deep end, had to fake it to make it, or hit the ground running. I tend to be pretty good at this, just like this Page – I can adapt well and I’m a quick study at most things intellectually, although the practice or physical parts of a job often trip me up and scare me to no end. I don’t find the adrenaline rush of newness to be pleasant at all, and I have a history of trying to fast-track my way to experience and wisdom rather than take the time to do it right. Examples: I wanted to lock it down with my partner just two weeks after we met, and was flabbergasted when he said “it’s early, let’s take our time and see where it goes;” I spent my first year in construction safety literally flying all over the country to attend trainings and getting certificates in everything even remotely relevant (educational, but exhausting and excessive); when I get into a new topic, I spend copious amounts of time and money on books and classes and supplies (social justice, tarot, board games, turtles, etc.). Need I go on? This is a deep, deep pattern of mine. And guess what? Right now, this very moment, I’m entering another beginning – the start of an internship that I’m really excited about. Perhaps this is a gentle reminder that I don’t have to participate in this old pattern, and I can ground into my physical being in order to slow down and be present with what is, right now… which may be uncomfortable, but I bet it’ll also be a lot healthier.
Affirmation: When I feel impatient with myself for my lack of experience, I can engage in mindfulness techniques to return to the present moment.
Deck: Mini Nicoletta Ceccoli Tarot